[Laura Smith]

How can I get my spouse to start thinking differently. He is 73 and I am 53. He has always made good money and is now retired and still does very well. But he continues to use credit cards when he has excess cash in his wallet. I have tried for years to make him understand but he just gets upset. Any ideas on an easy way for him to understand that we have too much debt.

[Sum180 Lead Coach]

Hi Laura – I’ve been thinking about your question a lot, because it is difficult enough to tackle money problems in general, without having to do so without the full support of your spouse. Because of the age difference between you and your husband, I think it is important for him to realize that you will be the one stuck with the debt when he’s gone, and what a difficult spot that will put you in at a time when you’ll have your own retirement to worry about. I hope your Plan laid that out in a way that really tells the story? Maybe someone you both trust can help you have this conversation.

[Cara Reynolds – SUM180 Community Manager]

Laura, I really sympathize – I’ve been in a relationship with similar dynamics. In my case, my partner was very knowledgeable and authoritative in most aspects of his life; he was usually the smartest person in the room and used to being in charge. Professionally that worked fine, but when it came to handling household finances, he didn’t always seem to “hear” my input. To me it felt like we weren’t making joint decisions. It made me feel frustrated and anxious.

I agree with Carla that a trusted third person joining or mediating the conversation might be the answer. In my case it was a mutual friend (an attorney) with solid financial background. Having the friend “moderate” defused the conversation and made it more about the numbers, less about the personal dynamics, if that makes sense?