Oh wow, my fifth anniversary is next week! It is crazy how fast time flies by. After 22 years of marriage, my first union ended in a divorce. Unfortunately, after my first husband left me, I learned some unexpected and life altering facts about our shared finances. When I chose to get remarried, I entered this union with an expectation of financial transparency. So far so good!
Managing shared finances is never easy – two different money personalities can be tricky to deal with. As a blended family we have six children that also play into the financial equation. Yes, there is a lot to consider. I don’t know that there is any one way to merge finances when you merge a family, but this is what we consider when looking at our shared money.
1. Retirement – we are both committed to saving for our retirement first.
2. Estate planning – we have taken care of each other first and then second, we have provided for our own children individually. (I provide for my three, he provides for his three)
3. Assets – we both maintain separate assets that we came into the marriage with while building our shared assets during this marriage.
4. We provide what we feel is fair for each child’s education and have accounts set up for them. My oldest graduated college the year we got married. That means five kids through college during our marriage. We also have money set aside and growing for their weddings (should they choose to get married one day).
5. We own our home together, and we each put an equal amount into the purchase of this home. Day-to-day finances are dealt with from our current income, and we talk budget constantly.
All that said, it is not easy. Our six kids get along amazingly well, but money has a way of stirring up emotions and rivalries. As kids look for help with graduate degrees we remain firm in our commitment to our retirement first. We have a standing offer that they always have a bedroom here in our home and can move home while pursuing additional education. We also invite the older kids into our money conversations.
The number one takeaway has been to keep having the money conversations. My advice is to keep talking, honestly sharing your feelings about this process, and to remain transparent with your spouse. Honesty is key.
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